by Jim Burns, PH.D. The teenage years can be some of the most challenging for kids . . . which means they’re not exactly “a walk in the park” for parents, either! Emotions run wild during adolescence. One minute your 15-year-old is thrilled beyond belief with the way his life is turning out . . . and the next, he wishes he’d “never been born.” Sound familiar? Well, if it does, you may already know a thing or two about distinguishing between a real problem and just “one of those things” that makes your teen seem impossible to be around at times. But, if you’re new to parenting a teenager – or if you think you might really have a problem developing in your home – I’ve prepared a list of questions you can ask yourself to better determine, “Is My Teenager in Trouble – or Just ‘in a Mood?’” First, a few ground rules to keep in mind. Stress can be a major factor in a person’s mood swings – and the teenage years can be extremely stressful for kids! Academic problems, physical and emotional changes experienced in puberty . . . each play a part in making your kid’s life a stressed out mess. And if there’s any sort of domestic violence at home – or maybe a parent is abusing alcohol or drugs – you can only imagine what that does to a teenager’s “stress meter.” Now, for the symptoms of real stress. Teenagers in general can “cop an attitude” at a moment’s notice it might seem. But when any of the following symptoms appears for a prolonged period of time, you might want to seek professional help for your child. Aggressiveness Apathy Boredom Dizziness Excessive frustration Hostility Insecurity Loss of Confidence Restlessness Self-Neglect Headaches Muscle Aches Short-term Memory Loss Okay, Jim – so how can I tell if my teenager’s really in trouble?” Well, the answer to that question lies in how you respond to questions like these . . . .

1. “My daughter used to be a B+ student – now, she’s fighting just to maintain a C average. Is her problem with her study habits, or is it more serious?” Every now and then, a better than average student is going to run headfirst into a class that simply gives them fits. An occasional “less-than-stellar” performance will happen. But when an Honor Roll student is suddenly barely passing her classes, that’s a cry for help.
2. “My 16-year-old son used to really enjoy family movie nights and going doing things with his dad. Now, he’d rather use his free time to listen to music in his bedroom or hang out with his friends. Should I be concerned?” Depends on what kind of music he’s listening to or “friends” he’s hanging out with. If he previously enjoyed mellow pop or rock music and now he’s going Gothic, you’d have cause for concern. But if he’s choosing his “old buddies” over time with the family more than he used to, it sounds to me like he’s just expressing a bit of healthy independence.
3. “My husband and I recently separated but our 14-year-old daughter acts as if nothing happened . . . like we’re not really going to get a divorce. Does she know something I don’t?” Actually, it sounds like the opposite is true. Often times, kids rebel when parents or teachers make unrealistic demands of them. But, in this case, it sounds like it’s your daughter who’s thinking is a bit unrealistic – and that’s a problem. Divorce is never easy, and my suspicion is that your daughter is really quite upset over what’s going on. She’s pretending as if everything will work itself out in the hopes that it really will (me, too!). During this period of separation, I’d recommend you and your daughter get some counseling . . . and keep a close eye on things like her physical appearance, eating patterns and study habits during the process.

If your son or daughter exhibits general moodiness or “attitude” from time to time, chances are they’re just being kids. But if the changes are more drastic and long lasting, you may need professional help.