How to balance success without being obsessive?
Dear Dave,
I work hard to provide for my family and think I’ve done a pretty good job in this area. I’ve made enough to take care of my wife and kids if I should die, and we have a nice lifestyle. But I was reading the Bible the other day, and now I’m wondering if all this - along with retirement concerns - can put a person in a situation where they’re unknowingly being choked by the cares of life. Am I being obsessive and how can I tell when enough is enough?
Steve via email
Dear Steve,
This is an excellent question. How do you balance success without it becoming an obsession? I think the fact that you’d ask this question shows how committed you are to maintaining that balance in your life.
Many of us wonder and worry about balancing the needs and wants of this world with an eternal viewpoint. I had the longing for stuff beaten out of me many years ago when I went broke. Since that time, I’ve learned that it’s more important to BE than to HAVE, although much of the world will try to convince you that to must HAVE in order to BE.
Honestly, Steve, I don’t have a lot of pretense about all the good things that have happened to me and my family since that time. It’s not because we’re better or smarter or any of that stuff. We’re just doing common sense stuff and working really hard. But maybe the biggest thing is the realization that stuff we have isn’t really ours – it belongs to God. I’m just a manager that God has hired to take care of this particular pile of stuff.
Remember, too, that God loves his kids and He wants us to have good things. I’ve come to believe that if you can emotionally and spiritually release the whole concept of ownership, that God will bless you and maybe even give you more stuff to manage.
- Dave
House not selling
Dear Dave,
My husband and I have bought a house. The closing date is soon, but we haven’t sold our current home yet. We really thought we’d have found a buyer by now, and we’re a little nervous. What can we do?
Ruby
Dear Ruby,
You’ve got good reason to be nervous. Never buy a new house without making the deal contingent upon the sale of your current home. You’ve turned yourself into a desperate seller because you made some bad decisions and put yourself in a desperate situation.
I’d back away from this deal if there’s any way to do it, still be honorable, and not break your word to the other people involved. If you’re locked in, you might try explaining the situation and see if you can delay the closing or restructure the contract to make it contingent upon the sale of your current home. If the other party is agreeable to either of these ideas, then you need to drop the price on your house today and get it sold!
I’ve got a feeling you’ll have to pay some stupid tax to fix this thing – and that might mean losing some cash and making some other tough choices.
- Dave
How much should we tell our kids about money?
Dear Dave,
My husband and I disagree over how much information to share with the children about our personal family finances. When is an appropriate age to begin discussing these things with them? How much information is too much?
Kimberly
Dear Kimberly,
Once they reach a certain age, it’s healthy for kids to realize that living in the world costs money. The key is to find small things – teachable moments – that are age appropriate.
In our house, the kids were allowed to help fill out the check register and watch the process of paying bills when they were 10 years old. Sometimes you can’t explain things to a child by just talking. But if they write out a big number and see $200 going out the door to pay the electric bill, a light goes off in their heads and they’re like “Wow, that’s a lot of money!”
Sit down with your husband and find out why he feels the way he does. If it’s personal insecurity, then you need to talk with him and help him work through this issue. If he has a valid reason, like he’s afraid it may hurt the child in some way, that’s a different story. Five-year-old shoulders weren’t designed to carry the burden or intimate details of foreclosure on a home.
Knowing how to handle money is a life skill, and parents should teach kids about finances and the importance of handling money properly at an early age. Turning kids loose in the world with no other skill than playing Nintendo is not a good plan – it’s child abuse.
- Dave
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Dave Ramsey is a nationally syndicated radio talk-show host and best-selling author. His life experience gives him an unusually deep perspective and insight into life and money matters. Be sure to get Dave's "Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness." If you'd rather order by phone, call WND's toll-free customer service line at 1-800-4WND-COM (1-800-496-3266).