Teens and Sexual Purity: Mission Possible!
by Mike Potter
Is it possible for teens to stay sexually pure in our sex-crazed culture? The answer to this question is a resounding "yes!" but much of the responsibility for pulling this off rests with parents. Parents must understand that there is much they can do to help their teens stay sexually pure until marriage.
Talk About It
As a parent, you need to go beyond the ceremonial "birds and the bees" lecture and move into developing an ongoing dialog about sexual issues with your teen. Before you can do this, however, you need to get to know the facts about things like teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases among teens, and the reliability of condoms.
For instance, did you know that one million teen girls become pregnant each year in the U.S.? Of these girls, two-thirds have become pregnant by boys who are 18 years old or older, and 50% of these pregnancies end in abortion.
Did you know that sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) affect more young people than car accidents, drugs, or alcohol? There are over 30 STDs today with the most common viral STDs being Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) and Herpes, and 3.8 million teens contract an STD each year in America.
Did you know that condoms - the device that our culture says will provide our teens with safe sexual encounters - offers no protection from sores in the genital area? Condoms are designed to protect from fluids only...not from STDs, and it has been statistically proven that a certain number of condoms will fail. As parents, we need to be able to talk to our teens in a knowledgeable way about teen sexuality issues.
Make Memories Together
I have a friend named Paul who knows the importance of this principle. When his oldest son hit adolescence, Paul devised an elaborate memory-making scheme that would clearly communicate his commitment to helping his son stay sexually pure. He went as a chaperone on his son's class trip to San Diego. One afternoon, the students were given some free time to shop and sightsee. Paul told his son that he would like to meet him at 6PM on a nearby pier that jutted out into the San Diego Bay.
His son agreed and showed up promptly, wondering what his dad was up to. As the sun was setting across the bay, Paul talked to his son about the importance of sexual purity. He presented him with a neck chain that symbolized his commitment to helping his son remain sexually pure until marriage. Then, he had his son kneel down at the end of the pier, and with the setting sun setting over the water, he placed his hands on his son's shoulders and prayed that God would help his son stay sexually pure.
As his son got up to leave, Paul pulled out another neck chain, knelt down, and asked his son if he would place it on his neck. He told his son that from that day forward, he had permission to ask him anything about sex, and he gave his son permission to at anytime ask him how he was doing in the area of sexual purity. Then, he asked his son if he would pray for him.
Several years have since passed, and Paul recently told me that he and his son still have the neck chains, but even more significant than that, Paul's son has remained sexually pure, and they have had many conversations about women, sex, lust, and purity since then. The San Diego event set the tone, and the memory made together that day has helped to shape Paul's ongoing relationship with his son and his son's ongoing decision to remain sexually pure until marriage.
Encourage an Abstinence Lifestyle
In order to help your teen stay sexually pure throughout the long and difficult teen and early adult years, you must create an atmosphere at home that encourages an abstinence lifestyle. Encourage an open dialog about sex and sexual issues in your home. Don't be afraid to talk about some of the tougher and often uncomfortable sexual issues like homosexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, and oral sex with your teen. The rest of the world is talking about these things, so you need to as well.
Make your home a place where kids want to hang out. Stock your fridge with lots of food and drinks, put up a basketball hoop in the driveway, buy a video game system, and buy lots of furniture and carpet stain remover! Make your home the place to be so that you can be with your kids more and so that you can get to really know their friends.
Set defined and firm dating boundaries and communicate them clearly and often to your kids. Never let your kids be alone with their dates for a long period of time. Know where your kids are and make it clear when you expect them to be home. Trouble lurks in the absence of the parental accountability that kids so desperately need.
So, is it possible for teens today to stay sexually pure until marriage? Absolutely! Parents - who are committed to talking to their kids about sex, creating memories together with them, and encouraging an abstinence lifestyle in their home - can play a pivotal role in turning the negative sexual tide among teens today.
Mike Potter is the founder and director of Parenting Teenagers and contributing writer for HomeWord. He and his wife Michelle have 3 children and live in the Midwest.
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